Notes from an Angry Woman’s Experience of the (Attempted) Erasure of her Work.
It is not often that I start my day angry. More often than not, I am a ray of sunshine when I wake up (this might be a lie) or, more sincerely, I grovel and struggle out of bed, upset about the concept of mornings rather than about life or people in general, you get?
Today, being a fine Sunday in the middle of May 2024, I am upset because I received an audio file, Huzaifa.m4a
Why should an audio file upset me so? you might ask and indeed, this would be an appropriate question to ask. Because here I am satiating my anger the only way I know how; typing away, putting together this piece.
So a little back story then, shall we?
Between February and March 2024, I was closely following the attempt to repeal the laws criminalising Female Genital Mutilation- FGM in The Gambia. I was livid, as every rational human being should be- that the violation of women would be so bold, so audacious in 20 *ucking 24. Moreso, that it would be sold as a religious necessity for women. So I made a few tweets and a few status updates on Mark Zuckerberg’s other app- the green one.
Enter Huzaifa, a good friend whose name ordinarily, normally, would bring me some joy to see on my screen. Huzaifa messaged as a response to one of those ramblings I had posted. As usual, being a scholar, far more knowledgeable than I am on a lot of topics, I must add, he pointed me to texts and resources supporting my claim that FGM is largely cultural and born out of the need for the patriarchal societies most west African states largely operate on, to subjugate and control the sexuality of women.
Huzaifa then suggested that we discuss one of the texts at The Reading Circle, a reading group we are both members of. I agreed. The chosen text was Civilising Women: British Crusaders in Colonial Sudan by Janie Boddy.
We reached out to the group convener and suggested the text. We would read the text, draw out talking points, and finally, present it to the group. Everyone agreed and looked forward to an engaging session with Huzaifa and Nana.
On the 17th of May 2024, also known as Friday, I arrived quite late for the presentation. Is Kano’s notoriety for late-coming starting to rub off on me? That is an entirely different conversation for an entirely different piece.
So, I get to the Circle late, apologise profusely, proceed to set up my laptop and speaker so Huzaifa can join us from the abroad (all of you leaving us in Tinubu’s Nigeria. Is it fair?)
When all is finally set and Huzaifa joins and the clock strikes 5 pm, I start the conversation on the book, setting the tone for the discussion by introducing the book, stressing the timely nature of the discussion and closing with questions to usher in Huzaifa who then goes on to give a summary of the book.
Let me tell you, for nearly two hours, we had a fantastic conversation on FGM. The majority opinion was that FGM is not a practise prescribed by religion and that it should be abolished. Some argued that perhaps if it really meant that much to culture, it should not be practiced on babies and girls without the agency to refuse. Rather, women should be left to decide for themselves when they are able to exercise agency, if they want to carry on with the practice or not (not my view though. I say, life imprisonment for every mutilator, including those supporting it)
Great conversation, right?
Huzaifa immediately messaged to thank me and I messaged back, thanking him too for being such an excellent scholar.
Back in The Reading Circle’s WhatsApp group (I swear, I really want to stop profiling these platforms without pay. I’ll try to remember to call it Zuckerberg’s green app next time) some members thanked Huzaifa for a brilliant and engaging session. I thought nothing of it, initially. Then the convener issued a thank you to Huzaifa and I on the group. And you know, I thought, it really is nothing, so what if a few members enjoyed Huzaifa’s presentation more? Maybe that’s what resonated with them the most, you know? Besides, the convener mentioned me in his appreciation post. That is enough, you get?
I tried to shove down whatever it was I was feeling- an action I will now work hard at refusing to participate in because sometimes, the way your stomach knots and gravitates towards darkness is the first trigger warning that something isn’t right.
Members who could not attend the session asked for the recorded conversation to be sent to them. The convener obliged. I must add here that this is a closed group and some sort of safe haven, so conversations are strictly for the consumption of members. Anyway, I also requested a recording of the conversation.
Now back to where we started:
Waking up, finding the audio file this beautiful Sunday morning named Huzaifa.
Huzaifa.m4a
So here I am, typing away instead of the planned walk I intended for this morning because, it is one thing to convince myself that the comments from earlier are just members in tune with Huzaifa’s part of the presentation, it is another thing entirely to have our joint production saved in his name.
This is what erasure looks like.
And yes, believe me, in those few minutes after it was sent, I tried to convince myself that it was not a big deal. That maybe ,the person who saved it didn't want to type out something long like; Nana and Huzaifa.m4a or a more appropriate, Discussion on Civilising Bodies by Nana and Huzaifa.m4a for better record keeping.
The more I thought about how N A N A is just four letters, the more upset I got.
But do I have a right to be upset?
After all, Funmilayo Ransome- Kuti was only the first woman to drive a car, right? The Aba women’s riot is only the disobedience of a few local women, yes? Winnie Mandela was only Nelson’s wife, not so? Nigeria’s and indeed, Africa’s independence was only fought for, only achieved by the founding fathers, right? Why get mad when history tells me that women’s contributions would rarely be acknowledged and even then, always be seen as less than?
This is truly what erasure looks like. This is how the contributions and sacrifices of women are watered-down and seen as not enough for documentation. This erasure translates into everything- it explains why the care and social reproduction work carried out by and believed to be the sole responsibility of women is looked down on and not considered contribution- enough.
I have been replaying that audio file, trying to figure out why. Was I not audible enough? Was I not heard? Did my arguments not matter? Were my words so insignificant? Was I incoherent? What part of my presentation, what part of me made it okay to be cut out?
And now my anger’s flame is dying out, so I must now attempt to salvage my day.
I’ll end by letting you know, that on Friday, the 17th of May 2024, Huzaifa and I presented Janice Boddy’s Civilising Women at The Reading Circle. It was a brilliant conversation and I am jointly responsible for making it so.
P.S: You should listen to my rendition of some of the best poems from African writers on my podcast. I recommend my renditions of Sueddie Agema Vershima’s The Vanity of a Scholar’s Dream and Umar Abubakar Sidi’s The Veiled Secret of the Kama Sutra. Enjoy!
